A Confession

Last night was bad. Oh, what a night it was! My little one (3 months old) didn’t feel like sleeping much, I guess. She’s been pretty good about sleeping. She usually wakes up one or two times to feed and normally will go right back to sleep. And then, there are the days like last night that she won’t sleep more than three hours at a time and wakes up three or four times at night. It makes it really hard on me to get some rest because I’m the only one home at night to take care of her (the hubster works nights). Last night, I got maybe a combined total of five hours sleep. Running on E here!

Anyway, my little one woke up for the third time at 3:45 this morning. I was tired, desperately tired. And grumpy. And hungry. Before I went to get her, I went to the fridge to get a bottle of water and saw the cheesecake I baked a couple days ago staring me in the face.

(Side story! I think there are two kinds of “dieters” in this world: the ones who think moderation is imperative, and those who think it’s better to put some foods completely off limits. Neither one is better than the other. In fact, I’ve done both. And I’ve discovered that I’m an advocate of moderation; if I let myself eat a small sweet (usually chocolate-something) every day, I will stick to a healthy diet more readily than if I call chocolate off-limits. Try both methods and find what works for you!

So, to satisfy my sweet-tooth cravings each day, I tend to make my own desserts. I make them myself because I know exactly what’s going in it and I can tailor it to my needs. I also know exactly how many calories is in a serving. It works well for me.

This week I made a batch of Rolo Cheesecake Bars.)

Back to the story, there I was, at 4 o’ clock in the morning, tired, grumpy and hungry, staring at that cheesecake. I heard my little one crying and felt incredibly stressed. In a moment of desperation and weakness, I grabbed the pan and spooned three bars onto a plate.

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Of course I knew it was too much. Of course I knew each piece has 320 calories in it, and of course I knew I would be consuming 960 calories in less than 10 minutes. But, in that moment, I didn’t care. I got my baby, settled her in to feed, grabbed my fork and went to town.

I sent my husband this message:

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After I finished, I sat there looking at the empty plate. 960 calories, gone. And not a nutritious 960 calories, either. Just sugar, and fat, and chocolate.

I think most people would feel guilty. They’d feel like they just binged and cheated so badly on their diet that they would want to give up. For some reason, I felt nothing like that. I actually felt liberated! Yeah, I’d just eaten almost 1,000 empty calories, but who cares! I wasn’t going to let it get me down.

Everyone has moments of weakness. I happened to have mine at 4 a.m. But I’m not going to let it bother me. I’m going to record those cheesecake calories and continue my day like nothing happened. I’m still going to eat healthy, balanced, and nutritious meals, and I’m still going to exercise the same amount. Nothing has changed. I’m human.

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4 thoughts on “A Confession

  1. Okay, you might have done something silly, but at least you won’t let it get you down. You move on. That’s such a strong thing to do, really. I’m sure you will make up for it in the long run 😉
    Love, Anne

  2. Your post today made me smile – oh how I can remember more than one occasion while I was still nursing up like a zombie and mowing down half a pint of ice cream. Ok maybe a full pint 😉 Point is, you were aware of it, learned from it, and were ok with it, and I think that’s a win! I’ve been following along since I moved over – great job! Keep it up!

  3. Being flexible is key. Eating that cheesecake during your moment of need will not be detrimental – but you know that already. Loved this post. Thinking of you and your family!

    And I’m a big fan of the moderation method too. 🙂 I think that’s what’s helping me stay on track this time…because I CAN eat chocolate or a cookie or cupcakes, etc…

  4. I had a night like that just last night that I posted about today. I felt so guilty. That’s why I fail at moderation method – I can’t just stop. At least we make our mistakes and then just jump back on the wagon. Good luck, you got this 🙂

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