Ever since I posted my picture and weight this morning, I’ve kind of been going mentally crazy. Why? Because I can’t believe I look how I do in the pictures. Let me explain:
I’ve never had an eating disorder (unless you call over-eating a disorder) but I’ve known people who do, and one of the characteristics of anorexia is that you can be skin and bones but still look in the mirror and believe yourself to be “fat”. Well, this isn’t my issue. Instead, I have a sort of reverse-thinking with regard to this concept: I look in the mirror and see myself one way (thinner and more muscular) but I take a picture of myself and think, “Uh, who is that now?” What I see in my head when I look at myself in the mirror is a version of the body I had before this last pregnancy.
Of course, I know I’ve gotten bigger than I used to be. That’s obvious because none of my clothes fit, save the yoga pants I have. I mean, I’m 37 pounds heavier now than I was a year ago before I got pregnant. But, for some reason, I still mentally picture my body looking like it did. Weird?
I feel like this idea I have of my body might be detrimental to my progress. I mean, I FEEL one way in my head and LOOK completely foreign to myself when I see a picture taken of me. I’ll have to keep in mind that I can’t fit into my old jeans and use them as inspiration to continue to lose weight. Otherwise, my head would tell me something that isn’t true.
I don’t know, maybe this feeling is CONFIDENCE? Something I’ve never experienced before, really.
I made this comparison picture of myself. Me a year ago vs me today. It’s like a sad going-the-wrong-way before and after.
Does anybody else struggle with this skewed self-concept? Are you thin and feel fat or overweight and feel thin? I’d love to chat with anyone experiencing either of these ideas.